Lately something my cousin said she heard in a sermon has been mulling around in my mind: worry is really pride. The longer I’ve thought on that, the more I see the truth behind it, my worry really is an expression of my pride, of my thinking “God I know all the bad ways this could turn out. You’re not handling this. I need to take it into my own hands and figure this out cause you’re clearly not up to the task.”
Ouch. Seeing that in myself is not fun. But it’s real, it’s a part of me, and therefore deserving of attention and acceptance if I ever want to change.
Seeing worry as pride, seems so negative, but it’s been turning into a positive. It’s been helping me to stop in my tracks. It shocks me with the reality that I’m trying to do this whole thing on my own again. I’m not trusting in Him as much as I thought, but in myself figuring it out and making life happen as I think I know is best. And therefore the pain of worry, something which usually is so unhelpful, I could turn into my wake up, which is something to be thankful for. The more pathways to surrendering into trust, the better. Even if it means the hard road of realizing the distrust in there to begin with.
I often remind my yoga class, awareness is the beginning of change. And I believe that’s true. If we can’t see our needs, our current reality, how can we meet them or move beyond them? So seeing the hard stuff in ourselves, although uncomfortable, is not a bad thing. It’s a part of growth. Just like in gardening (which I cannot wait for now that it’s getting warmer!!), if we didn’t see the weed, we wouldn’t be able to pull it out and promote growth and life around it. Plus none of us is perfect. As hard as that is for me, the ability to be honest with ourselves and others who’ve earned the right about our shortcomings, is liberating. It reminds us that we are flawed, and that’s ok. It’s ok to be human. We are flawed and yet still loved. Look at Christ. He loves us in it all, with it all. And He loves with honesty. He wants the best for us, which often means changing, growing, going and sinning no more.
You are loved as you are so you can feel freedom to change and become all you were created to be.
We all need to start from love. And what do we have to lose? With trusting God, what is there to lose?
If I trust him and it doesn’t work out: at least I know it’s because His better will is at play over mine which is comforting in the suffering.
If I trust Him and it does work out: how much more joyful will the gift be because I know it’s Source and I didn’t have the fear involved during the process leading up to it.
There really isn’t anything to lose but control. It takes constant surrender. Constant choice. But what I am learning is you will never regret trusting God.
And thankfully, trust, like courage, like hope, like any muscle, can be learned. It can be practiced, increased, and lived from of more and more. It may be a long slow process, there will be moments you want to give up, but it will grow if you keep choosing it.
So this week, I want to keep practicing trust. Using the uncomfortable pain of worry as a good reminder. A reminder that I really don’t know it all, and thinking I do doesn’t feel any better then honestly knowing I don’t. I don’t know how this ends. God is bigger than my perspective, all things are possible, life can and will unfold just as it’s meant to be. That will not mean it unfolds into a life of ease. What it means is my experience of it will be a little less restricted, tight, and uncomfortable.
Trusting God doesn’t change my circumstance for the easier or better, but it does change my experience of it.
As Jesus put it:
I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.
So will you join me this week choosing trust, remembering, God is good. God is Father – all loving, all caring, all knowing, wanting the best for us, His kids. He’s got this. We can trust Him with whatever worry we think we need to hold onto because we are assuming we know better than He does. One little reminder at a time, worry can transform into peace when it’s given to the One who knows what He’s doing and can do it all.
Extra Musings and Random Thoughts
The picture is from Clearwater, FL. I’m still dreaming of the beautiful respite from Winter I got a few weeks back. That’s on Honeymoon Island State Park. It was such a beautiful place to walk the beach and soak in the beautiful setting. Thankful for the walk with mom and our friend there! Now I want to go back!
I got to see The Lone Bellow for the 4th time this Sunday at the Strand in York and it was incredible! Even if you’re not a live music person, The Lone Bellow is amazing. So talented, captivating and their music is excellent. Front row, beautiful setting, outstanding performance – that’s a night we will always remember. Can’t wait to see them again! YouTube some of their videos (warning you might get hooked 😉 ).
Saturday I spent hours cooking and making things from what I bought at Market. I decided to give up processed food at home during Lent which has been a positive way to curb my sugar habit and remember how great real food is. It’s a challenge, and I’m not completely rigid about it, but it’s been a thoughtful practice and I am glad I’m trying it. Not as easy as you think!
A ton of great new music came out in the last month or so. If you’re interested in listening to some of the stuff I’ve been enjoying, I made a big March 2016 playlist on Spotify you can listen to HERE.
I’ve recently discovered Relevant Magazine’s Podcast and now I am addicted. Funny, Christian, current, sometimes ridiculous, good interviews, new music spotlights, random updates from the week’s news, and more. If you’re looking for a good new podcast, that one I’d recommend!
Only a few weeks of Winter to go before true Spring! Easter decorations out, warmer temps some days… we can make it!
