This week my life timelines changed. They always do. This time a goal I had wondered if I would ever go through with achieving, began becoming a reality I could tackle in this season. Over the last several days & weeks, this goal of mine which I had in the back of my mind for a much older version of myself, came across my path and came to mind and it seemed right. It seemed feasible and possible and even potentially good for right now – for this season of life.
So much sooner than I planned. So much more out of the blue than I had anticipated. With so much less pre-planning than my go-to method of making large decisions. But that’s how life is isn’t it? Dreams change. Ideas for how our lives will go transform. Every day brings new experiences and unanticipated twists which change and grow our stories into the uniquely beautiful unfoldings they are.
A few years ago, the dreams I thought for my life were different. And if I think to a few years before that, I probably would’ve answered even more differently than I do today as to what my plans were. I might make plans, but if anything in the future is like the past, my life will keep going, road blocks will my course and my passions. And I’m nearly certain that is not just me, it’s universal. None of us can with accuracy plan our life course, let alone predict exactly what tomorrow will flow like.
So much happens. New people. New leadership roles. New relationships. New work opportunities. And most surprisingly new passions. New dreams. New hopes and with it new fears. Our plans are just that. Plans. They are loose. They change. They morph. They grow. Or better yet – we change. We morph. We grow. And through it all I believe that’s God’s work. God made us. God loves when we dream and wants us to keep dreaming big, loving, dreams. But knowing our place, knowing that we are us, and only God is God. Knowing our humble position so unable to force our futures into predictions God wants us to do life with Him. To trust that God’s got our futures and the best things we can do are hold our plans loosely and stay so awake, aware and hopeful in our present moment. The only moment we most certainly will live.
God always has plans for us. We doubt this easily when we focus so hard on our plans that aren’t “working out”. I know I have doubted God’s activity, more often than I wish to tell you. I all too readily get super nearsighted until all I can see is the current moment or problem I’m standing within, not the opportunity it holds, not the truth of a God present with, a God using all things for my good, developing me through the unknown, through every heartache, every moment… the truth that this is a part of The Plan.
God is good. God is with. God is leading, loving, and working within us. We are where we are, and that is the only place we need to be.
Sometimes I think what keeps me stuck in smaller dreams and lives is an unwillingness to trust this goodness of God and let hopes and dreams change. Unwillingness to let go of the worry (which I admit feels like it’s helping me stay afloat but is actually causing anguish, less faith and more muscular feelings of fear which are exhausting).
If we could let go of the control on our lives and lean into the joy of God’s Love holding it all, we could let go of the self-doubt of it “not working out well” and that being a problem. Can we let go long enough to allow ourselves to live on faith alone that it will all work out to our benefit? Can we let go so we can simply be free in the flow of a good life? Even with the uncertainty. TEven with the pain along the way, even when the good may not feel good, can we relax into trusting that Love & Goodness & Grace is at the center of it all? Can we allow our lives to change beyond the grip of what we can manage on our own to experience the life bigger than we can dream?
Often, hidden beneath that unwillingness, we find a subtle lack of understanding the sheer depth of this huge God’s huge Love for us. To let dreams change is hard. To allow my mind about my life change is hard. But what’s harder in my experience is actual trust, faith, and believing it’s all working toward the best possible kingdom-come-now future… that I am loved now… that somehow this is part of being loved.
So this month, in this act of courage to go after a big goal which has my mind wanting me to believe I’m not able because that’s the wiring I’ve ingrained in my brain, I will choose to use that feeling of fear as a trigger to pause. To turn back to God. To turn back to truths like this one:
“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady. Then, when that happens, we are able to hold our heads high no matter what happens and know that all is well, for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” – Romans 5:3-5
That’s gorgeous. No matter how we feel, God is here. God is at work. God is loving us from the inside out.
Courage isn’t fearless. It wouldn’t be brave if there was no fear. Courage is seeing that fear, feeling that worry, and pressing on anyway knowing that it is, and will be, good. Feel the feelings. Process them. Use them. And as often as you need, step away, take a deep breath to feel God in your lungs choosing you again and again in Love and, with that new foundation, press on.
Life may not turn out how we anticipate, in fact it probably won’t. But it will be adventurous and worth every moment if we keep pressing into the fear and moving through the thoughts, habits and beliefs that keep us stuck.
May we all be brave. May we never give up hope. May we find the Love of God deep, abundant, present and saturating our hearts, lives, worlds. And may we allow our hands to loosen on our dreams so they can unfold much bigger, more fruitful and braver than we ever thought possible.
Grace & Peace.
Little Extras
Flowers – sometimes it’s a great reminder to have items that bring you back to the joy of love in our lives and the beauty that exists in our worlds. Especially in the lingering Winter.
This Lent, I’ve really enjoyed rereading Richard Rohr’s daily devotional Wondrous Encounters.
New music from February for your listening pleasure… March 2018 Playlist
This was a favorite podcast episode of the month: Annie F. Downs and John Mark Comer on Sabbath. I needed this. That Sounds Fun Podcast If you are looking to catch a breath, to refresh, to renew… John Mark’s perspective on Sabbath is healing.
As usual, been really enjoying the latest RobCasts – especially with Kristen Bell. I listened to their short book the The ZimZum of Love and absolutely loved it. It’s filled with wisdom and very fun to listen to as they banter and tell their own experiences. Highly recommend it.
If you need some peace, perspective, grounding in your own inner world, I’ve recorded 10 guided meditations. Listen as often as you like. May they be healing, helpful and lead you back to Love. YogaBreathPray on iTunes, SoundCloud, or Patreon.
Oh and that goal I mentioned? Excited to be pursuing my 200hr teacher training for yoga which I’ve loved for more than 14 years 🙂
