A Year of Be-ing

For a year where I chose the word be as my focus, a lot of change occured.

One year ago, I was single, dating and completely unaware of all that 2019 would bring. I had a routine, a comfy little home with my comfy little kitty, a full-time job, a workout and teaching schedule. Life was as I knew it. The “big” change I was facing a year ago was the choice to give up a class I loved teaching for so many years in exchange of more breathing space at home and teaching only yoga (which I affectionately call my first love so it was a win win, even if it was bittersweet) as well as completing my 200 hour Yoga Alignment Certification.

It was an exciting start to a new year for sure. Little did I know all that God was aware would happen in the following 12 months! Almost a half a year went by, full of ups and downs as usual like you can read some about in previous posts, but nothing out of the ordinary. Then, right before summer began through now, moments I perhaps waited for and anticipated longer than any others, came and went. I became a fiance, then a wife and more, a step-mom, new home-owner with my husband, part-time employee, and landlord all in a few months. Add to that changing where I teach yoga, my schedule and routines.

It’s been a year filled with abundant blessings, which also bring ample challenges as transitions always do. It’s just so funny to me to look back and realize all that happened! You (well if you were anything like me) wait your whole life for these things, and then they… occur! A 24 hour period will be your wedding day and however many month period will be your engagement. And then on to the next. And that’s just it. Life moves. Life changes. Life flows. God makes us for so so much. And these joys we look forward to are amazing blessings. But, they are also moving, flowing and possibly fly by faster than any other seasons. I have been telling all of my bride friends (funny as it was, I had several friends get married this year!) that my number 1 advice was “Soak it in. Wherever you are, be wholly there. Be present. Every moment of your day. (or days considering other moments that are special leading up to it.)”

And there it is, my word,”Be.” Be. My inclination on January 1 of this 2019, was to be. Little did I know I was selecting a focus God knew would carry me through change. It’s so surprising. When I think of “Be.” I think of stillness. Stopping. Pausing. That’s the exact opposite of what this year held, full of moves and changes and new routines. But perhaps (and isn’t that just like God to work?), those changes and challenges are the exact breeding ground for be-ing. Learning to be present doesn’t happen in the busy season, it’s cultivated for the busy season. Had I not known and practiced meditation, I doubt I would’ve had God’s grace of the tools built within to know I could be, in each day, in each moment, in this moment, fully here, present, and trusting the rest will be taken care of.

This isn’t easy for me. Ask my now husband and he can tell you I knew anxiety all too well this year. But that’s growth. I think it’s the way we are designed. None of us can learn anything in the blink of an eye or the flick of a switch. It’s a process. It’s a practice. We are made to need to rewire old patterns, learn new ones, in order to grow. One moment of practice, one choice, one mental switch at a time. Do I now trust God always and in every moment reminding myself to “Be still and know?”. Certainly not. But I do see that I can. That it’s possible. That my faith in a God who created from goodness, continues to create from goodness, and leads us all to a good end, to ultimately Love, is true. I see that can be right here. I can breathe. I can trust that the God of all, Love, is at work, even in the dark. Even in the change. Even in the life upturned.

I don’t fully understand it. But being present and trusting doesn’t have to do with understanding. As I have written to remember before, Anne Lamott named it so well “The opposite of faith is not doubt, it’s certainty.” Apparently not knowing how it ends is part of faith.

This year, as I lean into 2020 and open my hand to let go of 2019, I want to choose the good parts of what God taught me this year and slowly, as if releasing dust so God can form it anew, let go of what held me from God’s desires for me – what held me back from being, from faith in His work, from presence. I want to claim a new practice,

A practice of praying when fear rears it’s head.

A practice of faith in goodness being at work when the outcome is unseen.

A practice of naming fears, praying over them, and sharing them with the right people who have deserved that vulnerability.

These practices, signs of hope in the midst of faith that I can be and I can let God handle my future and my past. Love is here. Love holds all moments and works them to good ends. Love wins.

Now as I type, I smile and shake my head. Still in disbelief as to all that has happened in a few short months. And I smile because I know more is yet to come. Whatever it may be, may God remind me that He is here, He is good, He is real Love, and He will work out all that is to come to good ends. May this be your new years practice, hope and belief as well. May we all remember, be-ing isn’t chosen or wished for, it’s practiced and cultivated.

Grace, Peace, Namaste my friends. Thank you for reading. 

Little Extras

It has been months since I wrote! And that’s right, I’m married, teaching at a new place and loving learning what life can and could look like for my season to come. It’s been a joy and a struggle at times. But ultimately held in love and hope and abundant family. As I sat back and soaked in the holiday season, looking at 11 family members sitting around our table, bellies full, I could do only one thing – thank God. I feel so blessed to have so many family members near and God’s blessings around us. I know that’s not the case for everyone and is a gift to be cherished and not taken lightly. 

Our church has been exceptional lately. If you’ve known anxiety or other tough emotions, I encourage you to listen to the messages from the series they just finished “The most wonderful time of the year.” from December 15, 22 and 29 weekends. 

Our book club is currently reading Lysa Terkurst’s book “It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way.” Very much enjoying it. Her view of scripture feels more conservative than mine perhaps (not that I have a right view…), but I love her truths of trusting God and having faith in the face of disappointments and fears. Really enjoy it. 

 Weird to name this playlist January 2020 – first of the year! Going to take some getting used to typing the new year! Really dig the new Harry Styles… as well as all the other picks. I will go back and listen to December 2019 list as well. I was jamming to Christmas music all year long I didn’t get many listens to last months picks which had some new releases from some favorites of mine. 

I love where I am teaching. If you are in the Lancaster, PA area, come any Saturday to West End Yoga for my 7:30am Alignment Yoga class. It’s a slow yet strong flow. The perfect time – you’re up and out and in the city and finished by 8:30am. I love it! Every body can do this class and get something quality from it. Whether it’s your heart or your body or mind that needs alignment or strength, this class will be helpful to you. (Bonus, it’s half-price because it’s early! Can’t beat that.)

Registration Open Now: Excited to share I will be teaching a first ever 2-Hour Barre Yoga workshop at West End January 26 a 2:30pm. Space is limited. This will be a fantastic class and I’m thrilled to be offering it! Sign up before space runs out. Can’t wait to share this one! Let’s make it a great year starting with strength, length, posture and wellness. 

Photo cred: Ashley Christ. Seriously. She is amazing. 

Happy New Year all!